My eyes close, now displaying memories from throughout the ages and visions that drift and yearn to become true – to inherit some form of celestial body. This fire has begun to consume me, and with it I can hear it’s thoughts, and it can hear mine. This fire knows of every last ounce of fear that treads throughout my blood, it knows of every last bit of regret that I hold within my veins, it knows every single fate that will now be bestowed upon to me – fates that will be forever marked across my skin. Throughout these ages and eras alike I have seen the rise and fall of things, the death of things I once held to close, as well as the devouring of them, by echoes alike. Echoes that I am bound to, echoes that haunt me in my sleep, echoes that in this process I am becoming one with. I know all to well that this may have been avoidable, that maybe this path could have been shaped into something different than what I know well – but shaping was never my true intent, for instead I kept on moving, kept on walking, towards fates I could never dream of knowing.
There is no light left in this place but the light that illuminates from the flames that blaze and destroy everything in their path. This light, and these fires are one in the same. There are ever-devouring, seeking to convert everything as part of them, seeking to bring about the end to everything that stands in it’s way. I know that these landscapes as I know them now are surely to die at the end of this all, I know that they will never be the same, that they will never exist the same way as they once did. But that is not nearly my concern now, for as these flames begin to make their way up onto my being, I am filled with a knowing of death, and a fearlessness alike that I have never felt before, an acceptance of sorts of the life that has been left to me, a life that has been bestowed by fires and fates alike, a life that was never meant to be permanent.
These darkest nights have in a way restored what I had always felt was missing from me, like a piece that has been hidden, stowed away far into the corners of the shadows – awaiting for the dark to return. And though the more restored I may feel, the more so I realize that with these fires, I am now fading fast, still holding tight to my own regret. My soul seeps further out of this reality, but still bound, as it is stuck to a life that it has yet to learn to break free of it’s chains, with part of it – trapped in a vessel deep within waters much darker than anything I had ever seen. To the side of me that must now meet these fates, bound to a vessel of an anchor, still seeking deeper – I am sorry, for I knew where we would be lead. It’s harder than anything I’ve ever faced to come to terms with all of this now, like a tidal wave sweeping me to the bottom of some dark and violent seas. I had spent this much of this line dreaming of some glimmering and brighter life; but in that process I had never realized that this darkness that I have now taken up, once stowed away in some past before changing course, was always meant to be a part of me. Now these lords and fates alike speak of a fading, a fleeting existence that I must endure, and a death I must undergo. For now all of these curses and jinxes are lifted, but in return this ever-knowing feeling of phantom-like fate, and my inevitable end seems to be all this dying Advent has left me in it’s wake.