Lords & Landscapes: FINAL FATES

Sometimes I feel like chasing winds, sometimes I feel like dipping my hands into eternity, like before the madness – before the blackness.

I know exactly where it all went wrong, I can’t even lie and say that I didn’t see it coming, for while my vision may be bad – the shimmers were strong enough to warrant where the faults in this reality stood.

I could have turned and walked away, I could never made the return that cold and fateful day, but I think somewhere deep inside me had been calling me to this very moment in which I stand within now.

There were times I screamed and shout for help, even heard my voice ring out across the vast and infinite cosmos – not for those who live among me, but for those who had always seen where this would lead to be.

In these fragile times I can’t even say I’m upset, can’t even say I’m truly angry, but the regret and longings still eat me alive – and though that past is basically non-existent, lost within an age that I cheated out of existence, the pain and the memories still stick with me like a terminal illness, like a following phantom, taunting me into what I must become.

With your vanishing I sort of learned to hate the city, but now I’m drifting across landscapes that I have no control over, looking for any last trace of purpose or placement, meaning or divination in this all – but all I’m left with is repeating numbers, every time thoughts of final fates flood my mind.

I wished I could be that silver lining, even hoped I’d become that lighthouse to guide at sea, but now I know that is no longer my place. For I had always knew of some balance, but still I chased and chased after a line lost in time that was never meant to be mine.

Now this night has settled in, it has fallen over this town like some graceful silent sleet during the beckoning hours of the night, there is no resistance left in me now, there is no ill-will towards what has been done to me, and or what will be done as these fragile moments continue to fleet their way forward.

Instead, I’m left now with un-clenched hands, tired eyes, and a weary mind; ready to embrace and partake in a 9th sleep fully and final fates alike – as a night falls that will shield me from the sun that hurts my eyes, and fates that have rest assured I become the darkness I was always meant to be.

Dreams and thoughts of escape help me relinquish the rage, it is rage that burns deep like bruises and cuts, infiltrating my thoughts, flooding my heart into a state like non other.  I know hold a catalyst that offers a bending to this reality like I’ve never held before – a window of escape in a sense, wand which wields the crystal of death and darkness alike; for now in a sense, I can clearly see the future. Final fates that cannot break still await in only hours which remain within this shattered and broken reality, and this line which is now quickly being erased, and overtaken by something that I was never meant to see. My darkness has grown into amounts unfathomable from where I once stood. For not long ago, I once served what I once thought to be light for the greater good, a light that would lead me to where I always yearned to be; however in this trance I have been kept bound by chains, much stronger than that of the encapsulating vessel from Valhalla which consumes now – but more trapping in it’s own right.

I am now speeding violently to a state of mind that cannot shake, a shattered heart which can no longer break, and an existence that has begun to fade. I can feel it in my bones, for with this darkness, I am quickly learning to become in a sense, a master of control, though enveloped in shadows, these blackened wings I can grow will be free the ridiculous laws and morals which have for so long kept me bound to earth – for now as I speed towards a nightfall that is likely to be the darkest that I will ever live to see, I know I must spend these fleeting and fragile moments powered by passion and retrospective action. No longer am I ashamed of this path that I have taken, for I now feel their will be purity within these coming fates.

With the universe seemingly supporting every darkened decision I make, I can only yearn that these flames and fires will consume me quickly when the time comes for me to fade. For the yearning of my celestial being has long since desired to reach it’s true home, to finally rest from this weary fated reality, to watch these final fates and cataclysms take place, and to understand darkness and death as a necessity. For duality exist within the core of it all, and perhaps when this is all said and done, when I fade away – I can become one with everything.

The flames that I once held dear and close to me have now evolved into something greater, something much more great in it’s entirety, but also something so much more violent and devouring in nature – fires that pave a way to erase and consume every last bit of this seemingly infinite scape and all that lies in it’s path, for a dying Advent has long since been at hand and shall soon meet it’s end. The nights grow ever-so cold during these fleeting and fragile hours, for it is during these darkest nights that my walking is much different than it has ever been, much different than it ever will be. For when I walk during these fragile moments, I know that I am out of time in this line – and the shimmering lights that passes through the holes of my shadows help me remember just how far gone I truly am.

I know now much more clearly of what I am becoming during these final fleeting moments within this line, for despite the circumstances and my fleeting time that remains as of now, I know that there is yet another evolution to take place. The chaos that I once striven so hard to fight against has long since found a place where in this shattered reality, my hands, now bending it’s very disorder to my will – for it is all I have ever known. In a sense I’ve come to peace with these things, for this reality and universe alike have long since proven to set a course, which is now the only road I know – to breach me as far away from the light as possible. I do not know if I was always meant to endure the worst of things, for if that was the case – I sense I have escaped that fate for ages, but perhaps now is the time where it all catches up. For this line has now proven to support solely my most darkest doubts and destructive thoughts, almost as if I have finally found my place – my place within them. 

With these fires now blazing there way across these landscapes, and with me, in and out of this 9th sleep – where despite I find devour these dreams for the smallest ounces of energy for this weakening vessel, I still catch glimpses of you, glimpses of when you still knew of my name. Within these fragile moments, my breath begins to shorten and cease, and I signal to these violent fires to bring me to my feet, awakening me once more, for this road is not yet complete. I know that these treacherous flames from this fire have begun to make their home in me, ultimately weighing me down in hopes of consuming me at the very bitter end – I have long since accepted this, but still know the my final fate has yet to be sealed. For during these final day’s of this dying Advent, tracing the remaining of this fading line grows harder and harder with each passing hour, with each breath I take being more and more difficult to take in, for it’s becoming so difficult to exist.

I can hear the choral voices singing and shouting, both in angst as well as in rejoice for what has now begun – the end of an Advent. Time is moving fast yet in a fragile fashion during these remaining fleeting moments, I can feel the static within this cold night air as the hours march closer and closer to the end of this line – as the last of the hourglasses tips further and further towards spilling out final fates – fates that I will inevitably have to accept as my own once the time comes. I can see the look in their eyes when their glance catches mine, I can see their face begin to shift when I speak words from my mouth, for they know all to well that it’s almost over – they can see that I am spiraling down below, changing eternally from under.

I can sense the houses, charging their warmth in their bay’s. For during those final hours that they sleep within their houses, fates and shadows alike will tug and pull, yearning for a moment of release, yearning to guide me to my grave. We are within the moments of an Advents end, a time where like all things are held still – yet every sound, very thought, every birth and every death can be sensed from the core. I can see the fires begin to blaze for even they are aware of the essence of time that remains to us know. And I can see the watching of the lords above, for their are both full of sorrow and grace alike that such things must be set into motion – that such things must come to an end in this way.

 Solace and peace are forgotten concepts during these darkest of nights, for while I may know that there is no war here left to fight, and while I know that all that was once held dear has been lost, as well as all what had once been loved – my mind still rapidly searches, endlessly, throughout the deepest crevices of the night, for a life or a line that could be always what I had dreamed. To tread onward’s into a line never meant for me would be to forever bare the weight of these tragedies for an eternity, to in a sense, marry to the grave and the darkness alike – a stagnant fate that I am not sure I wish to bare. My heart grows painfully silent during these remaining hours of this dying line, and my mind – much louder than it has ever been before. For thoughts of remorse, regret, hope, and darkness alike will be the death of me.

It feels like eons ago, where I woke into this world, following the events of what I thought to be solace, peace, and closure alike within the frontiers of the past. But I was wrong. Although throughout the ages, this place may have provided me with a sense of hope and infinite possibility, it was all quickly swiped away when I realize that I had been wandering across these seemingly infinite scapes of a dying light. A light that was always meant to fade upon my arrival, a light that was in a sense, not even true to being with – but was eventually decoded, exposing it’s true essence. With the fading of this false light which once spread it’s wings rapidly throughout these landscapes, I came to know of the inevitable void that had always remained, that was always constant, that could never be fixed or mended. A void which is the devourer of such light and the core of the darkness which has now spread across this seemingly infinite place entirely – like a plague.

The nightfall has now settled in, along with fates, fires, and the lords alike – and all is coming together for an event that has yet to be seen during my time, an event that I never thought I must experience, let alone bare witness to. The fires that were once the flames in which I have controlled are now burning to their very desire, with little concern left for my will. They are now devouring entirely, much like the shadows that also once broke a part from me, after doing my bidding. What stands before me now in chaos entirety, for now fires, lords, fates, and even myself fight towards a line that does not exist, a line that we will never see, for we are all marked, and will forever will be, for we are all destined to be met with the final fates – fates that will determine our exists and everything in between.

When I close my eyes, I envision the time I had spent dreaming once before, dreaming of things that I have yet to proclaim to you now. The fires that now march rapidly across these landscapes hold the essence of these dreams, and in a way they cannot break free from them. For the core of their flames, the flares, which started them all were born upon the hopes and dreams of true light that I once had, true light that you once sparked within me, true light that is otherwise absent from this line and absent from this life. True light that is the only mediator, the only catalyst, making what is light and fire – one in the same.

The darkest nights and the end of this advent alike have all long since made their way in. In this time period, shadows are devouring and darkness is surrounding – with an endless void far from my perception is now said to be hungering for the souls that are to come. For the souls seeking clarity, retribution, and a rest far greater than what the 9th sleep could ever provide. In these moments is where all is ending, where all is spiraling rapidly towards the final fates that remain, as the lords and harbingers of the fates that remain keep watch like vultures with each passing moment. The day’s and hope and faith are far behind us, for what keeps us going from now until these final fates are met is nothing but the burning desires of our ebon soul’s, and the violent burning flame alike, a flame that now seeks to set on a course of it’s own – far out of my control.

I have always known that these Final Flames would not forever be mine for the taking alone, for eventually, they would grow a mind of their own, a desire of their own, and meet a fate of their own – all within these fleeting and fragile moments of time leading up to the death of this Advent and line alike. I understand deeply that what comes now are of fires that will march and spread rapidly across this vast and seemingly infinite scape, as they cleanse and set a cataclysmic course that will surely be followed by the arrival of the final fates. Fates that are inescapable, fates that have somehow always been a part of us, fates that have been waiting patiently – throughout the ages.

The willingness to allow the evolution of these flames is not an easy choice, for I know destruction is to come out of these fires that will ravage these landscapes, but I also know that these fires will become a part of me. The lords and gods alike only know how I have manage to cope with the pain all of this time from holding my hands on these flames, harnessing them, and tending to them, preparing them for something I shall ultimately have no control over. My blood is now running cold throughout these fleeting and fragile moments, for my attachment to loss and the fading of this line alike are fading rapidly, in a sense of regret as well, but at the same time I know it must be done. The weight of all of this, shadows, flames, and fates alike have long since taken toll – and have now forced me to take on a mantle of darkness that I have always been destined to claim.