Sometimes I feel like chasing winds, sometimes I feel like dipping my hands into eternity, like before the madness – before the blackness.
I know exactly where it all went wrong, I can’t even lie and say that I didn’t see it coming, for while my vision may be bad – the shimmers were strong enough to warrant where the faults in this reality stood.
I could have turned and walked away, I could never made the return that cold and fateful day, but I think somewhere deep inside me had been calling me to this very moment in which I stand within now.
There were times I screamed and shout for help, even heard my voice ring out across the vast and infinite cosmos – not for those who live among me, but for those who had always seen where this would lead to be.
In these fragile times I can’t even say I’m upset, can’t even say I’m truly angry, but the regret and longings still eat me alive – and though that past is basically non-existent, lost within an age that I cheated out of existence, the pain and the memories still stick with me like a terminal illness, like a following phantom, taunting me into what I must become.
With your vanishing I sort of learned to hate the city, but now I’m drifting across landscapes that I have no control over, looking for any last trace of purpose or placement, meaning or divination in this all – but all I’m left with is repeating numbers, every time thoughts of final fates flood my mind.
I wished I could be that silver lining, even hoped I’d become that lighthouse to guide at sea, but now I know that is no longer my place. For I had always knew of some balance, but still I chased and chased after a line lost in time that was never meant to be mine.
Now this night has settled in, it has fallen over this town like some graceful silent sleet during the beckoning hours of the night, there is no resistance left in me now, there is no ill-will towards what has been done to me, and or what will be done as these fragile moments continue to fleet their way forward.
Instead, I’m left now with un-clenched hands, tired eyes, and a weary mind; ready to embrace and partake in a 9th sleep fully and final fates alike – as a night falls that will shield me from the sun that hurts my eyes, and fates that have rest assured I become the darkness I was always meant to be.