FINAL FATES: An Advent’s End

I awoke, gripped tightly by the hands of final fates that whisper words to me of fleeting grace, time, and the remembrance of all that I have loss. My body shakes and shimmers at the trauma as the memories of vessels that float beneath, and the events of a past and dead Advent begin to flood my mind – like dark waters. Cradled within the palm of flames, I can sense what what I once now has already begun to fade, that the imminent death of me which shall bring about all that I was meant to be is only a fraction of the sealed, and Final Fates that have now begun to take their place. I can no longer outrun what has now arrived, I can no longer hide from this never-ending grasp of death – for I have always been part of the end, I have always dreamed of it, and now I am becoming it. These vast and seemingly infinite landscapes will forever exist in a place so deep within my heart, for they have brought me hope throughout the eras and ages alike, as well as guidance throughout my most lost of times. But now, as these darkest of nights have long since settled in, so to have the fires that march across these scapes, purging this place entirely – devouring all that remain in place.

Though the flames from all around tower above me like none other, I can feel the air from all around growing colder and colder, the hurt from all that was lost festering from deep inside as I begin to make amends, and accept what I have become. These fragile moments reminds me of the treacherous day’s of the Ice Cave, of being trapped deep within the cavern walls; where with every gust of wind that blew meant becoming closer and closer to death, that slowed the inevitable journey more and more. A place where I was forced to learn of lies and the false promises that I was told, the heinous actions that were made, ensuring that my dreams and desires were never meant, ensuring that the path that I had since took, was taken by all means necessary. A beaten course, that you are likely never meant to know. One of lies and deception, one of captivation and treachery – one of sin and sorrow and the consuming of it. For during those frozen day’s, I could close my eyes and see my daughters eyes, all while being engulfed in a feeling of light and bliss, in a feeling I have come to know was never meant to last. For when those walls crumbled and the cavern met it’s end, corners and crevices within my complex and infinite all knew all to well that the very light that I was to join forces with – would ultimately end up being my most diligent of guides towards the darkness I had learned to shun.

My reality had become oh so crippling, for the day’s that turned to darkened twilight hours during the place of Castles, I had endured the encompassing of love and the loss of it – all followed by an exile that would see my drifting mind create contracts with the depths of darkened waters that were to be met, depths of darkened waters that would preface death, wrapped up in a precursor known as the in between. But even throughout all of these eras and ages alike, the pain had never healed – for instead my mind has found other more crippling and inevitable truths to traverse, ones that had shifted my reality towards creating a path to some place of infinite landscapes, all beckoned by some greater forces that I was never truly meant to understand. These forces know of the futures I had always sought to bring into fruition, they have seen the formulation of this world as well as the dying of it. Just as they now watch this breathless Advent decay into nothingness, a line cut and shattered into a million pieces fading away, as if it’s never existed. They will govern over all that remains between this time and what will follow, when a universal pull will inevitably bring birth to a new Advent – one that will hopefully be of solace and peace, one where both darkness and light can rest and breathe equally, without a burning desire to over-take the other. I sort of see it as an impossibility, for there are still an infinite amount of things regarding this process that I am to learn, and even more so that I will never be meant to know, but I digress.

As I sit here, knees met tightly with the ground and eyes peering up towards the burning and darkened skies, flames clenched to my skin like an infection looking to spread – I know all to well that my fading must begin. That once again, the cycle must repeat itself of one last time, a promising loss desperately hungering to feed and take hold again, and again and again. It’s all like nothing I had ever imagined, but in the strangest way part of me is content with it, a dedicated path of movement to take, a way to hold the flames at bay from gaining ultimate control – an alternative option from choosing to sleep or simply die alone. For with the presence of death that I now wield at my will thanks to these fires that consume and shadows that devour alike, I am destined to fade – but only while also losing all ties and resistance to the bindings of this world. For now, very little holds meaning to me, and not by choice – but instead by some strange sense of divination. Should your voice be so enticing and pulling in it’s ways to weaken my heart strings and bring me to me knees, I must remember than even during my most wildest of dreams regarding love – these final fates will find a way to make you suffocate to. For when I knew darkness was going to be the path that lay ahead, I quickly saw the fading of light in my daughters eyes – like a future that was always a part of me ripped away, or some altered DNA stripped and replaced with confusing memories – never to be the same again. I can still feel the tiny hands meeting mine, and the feeling of futures so close to what I had always envisioned and strove for, but alas, chaos and destiny have other plans and rules that I have always been meant to play by, so in a solemn state of acceptance, after I let this darkness in, after I become one with these shadows, after I take up the mantle of the warrior of darkness, after the flames begin to engulf – I will become a fleeting and fading force in between two worlds. A force that exists outside of a dead Advent, whilst right before the birth of a new one – a force fleeting the chaotic and never-ending chase of life, swimming into the violent yet all-enticing tides of death.

This transition, will be like none other I have ever experienced. For while I do not consider myself to be free during these burning moments, in knowing that I now hold the key to freedom brings me a sense of knowing that the peace that remains to be ever-so absent from these fragile times – is still in reach. My thoughts have begun to become translucent in a sense, illuminated only by the flames that burn across these scapes, brought to light by the fire that now courses through my veins – but I am still cold. Deep down I know that forgiveness for what has been done will ever come, and I know that we’ll never live to see the truth of things come about – as a collective. Which is why the pursuit of it all, on an individual level, remains to be the utmost importance to me – even still as my sense of self begins to fade. In all of this, no matter the amount of time, or the amount of life that I may have left, I know that I am still capable of love and the loss of it. For pains and longings still grow stronger and stronger everyday – a desire to feel what I once felt one last time, out of some jaded and delusional belief that I could have a stake in that life, that I could own what they own, experience what they experience – but that was never part of the process, never a part of this process. So I’ll climb down from my staggered and stunned premonitions of a lost future self, and I’ll let go and leave these desires behind, while letting all the pain, hurt, panic, chaos, and other fleeting and fragile feelings in – and I’ll claim stake and take every small moment that may help me feel human again, that may help me feel alive again. Like in a vicious pursuit for a high that is much too short to share, and much to short to reach the peak.

I close my eyes now in preparation to let go of this dying Advent, in knowing that there is nothing left here for me to gain, nothing left here for me to pursue. For now, as I drift forward whilst being engulfed in flames towards my inevitable end that has spiraled out from final fates; I know that what I entangle with now will be of forces that are meant to see the dawn of a new Advent. Forces that still hold ever-so tightly to their light, forces that were never meant to fully endure this beaten course from start to finish. I’ll come to know them all, but they’ll never see me fully, for like a ghost, or like a phantom that haunts, they’ll hear my words but never truly listen, they’ll see me pass but never truly feel my presence, they’ll witness me take everything but not notice what has gone missing, they’ll watch me burn but never feel my pain. It is the transition that must take place, and I’ll watch and experience as infinite hours pass by until I am ready to let go, until the fading as reached it’s end. The end like what I am witnessing now, as this Advent which I have clung to like my lost child now dies before my very eyes. My very tired eyes which now begin to close, as I drift off into yet another sleep, the last of which that these lords will watch – the last of which I will dream of  – as a solid figure. 

My eyes close, now displaying memories from throughout the ages and visions that drift and yearn to become true – to inherit some form of celestial body. This fire has begun to consume me, and with it I can hear it’s thoughts, and it can hear mine. This fire knows of every last ounce of fear that treads throughout my blood, it knows of every last bit of regret that I hold within my veins, it knows every single fate that will now be bestowed upon to me – fates that will be forever marked across my skin. Throughout these ages and eras alike I have seen the rise and fall of things, the death of things I once held to close, as well as the devouring of them, by echoes alike. Echoes that I am bound to, echoes that haunt me in my sleep, echoes that in this process I am becoming one with. I know all to well that this may have been avoidable, that maybe this path could have been shaped into something different than what I know well – but shaping was never my true intent, for instead I kept on moving, kept on walking, towards fates I could never dream of knowing.

There is no light left in this place but the light that illuminates from the flames that blaze and destroy everything in their path. This light, and these fires are one in the same. There are ever-devouring, seeking to convert everything as part of them, seeking to bring about the end to everything that stands in it’s way. I know that these landscapes as I know them now are surely to die at the end of this all, I know that they will never be the same, that they will never exist the same way as they once did. But that is not nearly my concern now, for as these flames begin to make their way up onto my being, I am filled with a knowing of death, and a fearlessness alike that I have never felt before, an acceptance of sorts of the life that has been left to me, a life that has been bestowed by fires and fates alike, a life that was never meant to be permanent.

These darkest nights have in a way restored what I had always felt was missing from me, like a piece that has been hidden, stowed away far into the corners of the shadows – awaiting for the dark to return. And though the more restored I may feel, the more so I realize that with these fires, I am now fading fast, still holding tight to my own regret. My soul seeps further out of this reality, but still bound, as it is stuck to a life that it has yet to learn to break free of it’s chains, with part of it – trapped in a vessel deep within waters much darker than anything I had ever seen. To the side of me that must now meet these fates, bound to a vessel of an anchor, still seeking deeper – I am sorry, for I knew where we would be lead. It’s harder than anything I’ve ever faced to come to terms with all of this now, like a tidal wave sweeping me to the bottom of some dark and violent seas. I had spent this much of this line dreaming of some glimmering and brighter life; but in that process I had never realized that this darkness that I have now taken up, once stowed away in some past before changing course, was always meant to be a part of me. Now these lords and fates alike speak of a fading, a fleeting existence that I must endure, and a death I must undergo. For now all of these curses and jinxes are lifted, but in return this ever-knowing feeling of phantom-like fate, and my inevitable end seems to be all this dying Advent has left me in it’s wake.

My contemplation has long since been complete, for ever since I had stumbled into this vast and seemingly infinite place full of wonder and hope during the day’s that followed from the Castles exile and frontiers that followed – I’ve had much time to contemplate this path, to learn the acquire the ability to see things clearly and truly – for how they really are. It has not been an easy path, for in doing so I have been consumed by flames multiple times, from flares which sparked these very fates that I now stand face to face with now, to the flames and fires that now rage across these lands all the same, flames and fires that shall now consume me – as I seek to surrender to this all. There are no fights left to fight, nothing left to love, and no life left to live – this is the end of what I know things to be now, I have released these attachments and clinging’s of some lost sense of false light that has yearned to consume me for so long, but now, with the darkness all encompassing me, these things no longer hold any power whats so ever.

The fires that stand before me have begun to march endlessly across these landscapes, as the lords which have long since descended watch from summits in distant places far above – as these darkest night skies begin to turn into a hue of red. The moment I step into these fires, is the moment I seal my fate – the moment I begin to exit this shattered and tattered line, with the will of death in one hand, and the willfulness to accept the chaos that exists outside of this time, and before the next, that will surely come for me. I have taken up this mantle of a warrior of darkness, not as an act of war, but instead – a knowing that this is who I truly am. One who journeys in the dark where the truth of truths are hidden, one who embraces the end, never fleeing from it, never straying from it. One who is now ever-consuming, ever-devouring. I have gradually removed the masks of false light I had once had to endure over the ages to continue to breathing, but now, as I stand here at the bottom – I now know this darkness is the only way to call upon the best of me. A necessary evil in some eyes, but what I have always seen to be the truth in mine.

My legs more forward as these flames begin to embrace my feet, in like a moment, a feeling of ending and dread spirals over me – for I know I cannot turn back from this moment, for I know and accept all the same that in due time this fiery passion will fade, and this fire will burn out – for cataclysms are bound to everything, and in doing so will mark the death of me. In less than a blink of an eye, this can all be taken away from me, erased in a snap – faster than everything I have ever seen before. But this is an absolute must, for I have now given up the life of delusions and spiraling at the will of the plagues of time that have since destroyed this line, that seek to beat me into the ground. The hourglass tips and shatters as the hands of fate that had once held it so tightly have now let-go, for the grains of sand which have kept safe the time have run out – and now, these fates are free, and these hands of fates are now mine. I am now done with this trance, but in a sense being put into a new one that will now seal my fate, one that will lead me to the end of what I am and return me to the legacy-all. These fires, final fates, and darkness are all I have left – for even in my eyes I’ve become invisible, for the more you let in this false light, the more hidden I will. Nothing is ever lasting, and in knowing this I am growing more and more sane with each moment I am fading – burning endlessly.

There is nothing left I can do to shake this feeling, this feeling that speaks deep into my core, echoing the Lords that reside within this vast and infinite scape that there is nothing left to lose, and nothing left to love. They have watched and beckoned from afar throughout the ages and era’s alike that I have wandered on this path, they have foreseen my every action, my every fall and turn, my every decision that has since lead me to where I am now – this moment in time where all is quickly fleeting, where the time that remains is ever-so fragile it is ready to shatter and break at any moment, much like the shambles this line is in now. This feeling that circulates within my head and bones alike, speaks the truth that I am lost and not as strong as I once was; that my life is gradually spilling into the next but despite this I keep living – all for some sense quickly fleeting passion and hope that is even more-so fragile that the time that remains.

The feeling goes far within my all, for it knows it will always remain, it knows that it is inevitable, and it knows that my very soul will hear it’s cries. It cannot be avoided, nor can it be ignored. It is in a sense, a fate in it’s own right – one that I have been seemingly met with ever since birth, one that will linger by my side until the very hour in which I fade away. An hour that I feel growing closer and closer with each passing moment in time. This feeling knows that I know wield the control, that I now wield death, but in return, I sacrifice my resistance, and surrender all the same. For I am fading in regret, much like this darkened skies that seek to spill out light, but are instead met with the resistant rule of the darkness. This feeling knows that I will soon meet these final fates, and than before doing so – I must go under. I am going under much more quickly than I have ever gone before, for beneath is where I will meet these fires at the cores and become one with them, it is where I will learn to step into a new state that is much further from what I am now. For as a warrior of darkness, I knew it would always come to this. For while these nights may be the darkest that I will ever see them as, I know they aspire to come closer and closer to true darkness, a type of darkness hidden from my fragile eye’s, a type of darkness that can only be obtained by those who are only left to fade. 

I am stuck with a different kind of feeling during this moment in time. This moment in time where the hourglass loses the last of it’s grains of sand, a moment in time so fragile that I can even hear time passing by, I can hear the reality cracking further, I can hear this very advent – dying. These are moments that will be forever etched into my soul, moments that will come back to haunt me in eon futures, moments that will define who I am within future lines on within some future time – moments that are now guiding me towards this inevitable end. The darkness has long since settled in, and shadows have long since begun to devour, and now echoes and cycles alike are taking up their holds – spinning, and bending this reality to their will for soon this broken and shattered line will become there’s for the taking.

I have seen much come to pass throughout these ages, I have seen what I once thought to be the true light come and die, darkness fall and rise – and even time stand still. Time no longer slows down like it used to, for realities now are as anxious as I am to reach that moment of self-destruction, that moment of some beautiful oblivion, that moment of inevitable cataclysm that is without a doubt bound to everything within existence – even existence itself. My time has come and gone, for the path that I have taken throughout these ages have consumed every last thing I have held dear, and have lead me to fires that remain to be my only lifeline keeping me bound to this existence – fires that I now must become one with to meet my final fates, fires that will surely consume me in the end.

I know not of what lies in that moment past the dying of this Advent that we are oh-so close to touching. For, in essence it does not matter to me, as now I am one with the darkness, and this force will always be separated from where the light decides to go – from where the light resides. I no longer wish to wage war under the title of some force, for now, wars hold no such purpose in my hands – and even less purpose here as these vast and infinite scapes are gradually lit up in flames. I have since walked into the darkest of nights where my cycles, echoes, shadows, and dreams alike come together in one irreversible act to bring about fates that I have long since always been meant to meet. No longer will I fight this destiny, for there is nothing left for me to fight for, for my very existence is like the shifting tides – ultimately always meant to eventually no longer grasp the core of this reality.

In these moments, everything is just as I once said they were before; all is ending, being wrapped up within a tightening grip from a darker hand, one that is in which putting a cease to this lines blood-flow – ceasing it from breathing. In these moments, there are no wars left to fight, nothing left to lose, nothing left to love, nor is there a life left to live. It is in this fleeting time that power and passion alike are solely derived and kept alive from the violent fleet of fires that now march across this vast and seemingly infinite place, fires that will likely never see the birth of a new Advent, nor the coming of a new dawn alike.

My lines are ending, and my final fates are arriving all the same – and nothing I can do in all of my willpower can stop that. If this is where all is ending, I won’t lie and say I couldn’t feel it in my bones, I won’t lie and say that I didn’t know where I was headed, I won’t lie and say that I have everything under control. For my state is out of control, a perfect match to the fires that seek to consume me, and a perfect match to the few remaining fires that remain loyal to me. With the time that has passed and fleeted all the same – I have become devoted to the darkness. The darkness that has in which in a sense, ignited a path of fires which have lead me the truth to things, and have helped given me the power to in a sense, wield death. I know longer fear loss, I know longer fear loneliness, no; what I resist is the constant cycle of regret, and the endless longing of desire, and the blinding ray’s of the shining sun and the false light which once rained down upon me.

I have long since strayed from that path, and my very soul has adopted an ebon shade of sorts. For the light that I had once served, I shall serve no longer for it cannot serve me. For since the very beginning m heart has longed for danger and the infinite, cataclysm and chaos – and a return to a familiar darkness that I had always known I was meant to be one with, a darkness that I had always knew would carry me through, staying by my side till the very end. No, in this moment I will not pick up yet another blade, ready to wage another pointless war, no in this moment I will not divulge into some pointless fight that would ultimately lead to nothing – for the end of it all has made it’s way in. No, I will not put on some sturdy and steel armor to keep me encapsulated from the final fates that are surely to soon be bestowed upon me. No, for none of these things would give me fulfillment. Instead, I am now becoming one of the darkness with the black surrounding – the shadows like a sibling, or even a partner to me now, for they have swore to see it to the end, to devour this all till the very end. I am now a warrior, not one who will court war, yet instead hold it at bay, like a sense of surrender or acceptance to this dark devouring. For I am now of the dark, and I will soon become neither here or there. I am a member of death and all it’s glory, a catalyst which duality must keep in check – I am the warrior of darkness.