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I awoke, gripped tightly by the hands of final fates that whisper words to me of fleeting grace, time, and the remembrance of all that I have loss. My body shakes and shimmers at the trauma as the memories of vessels that float beneath, and the events of a past and dead Advent begin to flood my mind – like dark waters. Cradled within the palm of flames, I can sense what what I once now has already begun to fade, that the imminent death of me which shall bring about all that I was meant to be is only a fraction of the sealed, and Final Fates that have now begun to take their place. I can no longer outrun what has now arrived, I can no longer hide from this never-ending grasp of death – for I have always been part of the end, I have always dreamed of it, and now I am becoming it. These vast and seemingly infinite landscapes will forever exist in a place so deep within my heart, for they have brought me hope throughout the eras and ages alike, as well as guidance throughout my most lost of times. But now, as these darkest of nights have long since settled in, so to have the fires that march across these scapes, purging this place entirely – devouring all that remain in place.

Though the flames from all around tower above me like none other, I can feel the air from all around growing colder and colder, the hurt from all that was lost festering from deep inside as I begin to make amends, and accept what I have become. These fragile moments reminds me of the treacherous day’s of the Ice Cave, of being trapped deep within the cavern walls; where with every gust of wind that blew meant becoming closer and closer to death, that slowed the inevitable journey more and more. A place where I was forced to learn of lies and the false promises that I was told, the heinous actions that were made, ensuring that my dreams and desires were never meant, ensuring that the path that I had since took, was taken by all means necessary. A beaten course, that you are likely never meant to know. One of lies and deception, one of captivation and treachery – one of sin and sorrow and the consuming of it. For during those frozen day’s, I could close my eyes and see my daughters eyes, all while being engulfed in a feeling of light and bliss, in a feeling I have come to know was never meant to last. For when those walls crumbled and the cavern met it’s end, corners and crevices within my complex and infinite all knew all to well that the very light that I was to join forces with – would ultimately end up being my most diligent of guides towards the darkness I had learned to shun.

My reality had become oh so crippling, for the day’s that turned to darkened twilight hours during the place of Castles, I had endured the encompassing of love and the loss of it – all followed by an exile that would see my drifting mind create contracts with the depths of darkened waters that were to be met, depths of darkened waters that would preface death, wrapped up in a precursor known as the in between. But even throughout all of these eras and ages alike, the pain had never healed – for instead my mind has found other more crippling and inevitable truths to traverse, ones that had shifted my reality towards creating a path to some place of infinite landscapes, all beckoned by some greater forces that I was never truly meant to understand. These forces know of the futures I had always sought to bring into fruition, they have seen the formulation of this world as well as the dying of it. Just as they now watch this breathless Advent decay into nothingness, a line cut and shattered into a million pieces fading away, as if it’s never existed. They will govern over all that remains between this time and what will follow, when a universal pull will inevitably bring birth to a new Advent – one that will hopefully be of solace and peace, one where both darkness and light can rest and breathe equally, without a burning desire to over-take the other. I sort of see it as an impossibility, for there are still an infinite amount of things regarding this process that I am to learn, and even more so that I will never be meant to know, but I digress.

As I sit here, knees met tightly with the ground and eyes peering up towards the burning and darkened skies, flames clenched to my skin like an infection looking to spread – I know all to well that my fading must begin. That once again, the cycle must repeat itself of one last time, a promising loss desperately hungering to feed and take hold again, and again and again. It’s all like nothing I had ever imagined, but in the strangest way part of me is content with it, a dedicated path of movement to take, a way to hold the flames at bay from gaining ultimate control – an alternative option from choosing to sleep or simply die alone. For with the presence of death that I now wield at my will thanks to these fires that consume and shadows that devour alike, I am destined to fade – but only while also losing all ties and resistance to the bindings of this world. For now, very little holds meaning to me, and not by choice – but instead by some strange sense of divination. Should your voice be so enticing and pulling in it’s ways to weaken my heart strings and bring me to me knees, I must remember than even during my most wildest of dreams regarding love – these final fates will find a way to make you suffocate to. For when I knew darkness was going to be the path that lay ahead, I quickly saw the fading of light in my daughters eyes – like a future that was always a part of me ripped away, or some altered DNA stripped and replaced with confusing memories – never to be the same again. I can still feel the tiny hands meeting mine, and the feeling of futures so close to what I had always envisioned and strove for, but alas, chaos and destiny have other plans and rules that I have always been meant to play by, so in a solemn state of acceptance, after I let this darkness in, after I become one with these shadows, after I take up the mantle of the warrior of darkness, after the flames begin to engulf – I will become a fleeting and fading force in between two worlds. A force that exists outside of a dead Advent, whilst right before the birth of a new one – a force fleeting the chaotic and never-ending chase of life, swimming into the violent yet all-enticing tides of death.

This transition, will be like none other I have ever experienced. For while I do not consider myself to be free during these burning moments, in knowing that I now hold the key to freedom brings me a sense of knowing that the peace that remains to be ever-so absent from these fragile times – is still in reach. My thoughts have begun to become translucent in a sense, illuminated only by the flames that burn across these scapes, brought to light by the fire that now courses through my veins – but I am still cold. Deep down I know that forgiveness for what has been done will ever come, and I know that we’ll never live to see the truth of things come about – as a collective. Which is why the pursuit of it all, on an individual level, remains to be the utmost importance to me – even still as my sense of self begins to fade. In all of this, no matter the amount of time, or the amount of life that I may have left, I know that I am still capable of love and the loss of it. For pains and longings still grow stronger and stronger everyday – a desire to feel what I once felt one last time, out of some jaded and delusional belief that I could have a stake in that life, that I could own what they own, experience what they experience – but that was never part of the process, never a part of this process. So I’ll climb down from my staggered and stunned premonitions of a lost future self, and I’ll let go and leave these desires behind, while letting all the pain, hurt, panic, chaos, and other fleeting and fragile feelings in – and I’ll claim stake and take every small moment that may help me feel human again, that may help me feel alive again. Like in a vicious pursuit for a high that is much too short to share, and much to short to reach the peak.

I close my eyes now in preparation to let go of this dying Advent, in knowing that there is nothing left here for me to gain, nothing left here for me to pursue. For now, as I drift forward whilst being engulfed in flames towards my inevitable end that has spiraled out from final fates; I know that what I entangle with now will be of forces that are meant to see the dawn of a new Advent. Forces that still hold ever-so tightly to their light, forces that were never meant to fully endure this beaten course from start to finish. I’ll come to know them all, but they’ll never see me fully, for like a ghost, or like a phantom that haunts, they’ll hear my words but never truly listen, they’ll see me pass but never truly feel my presence, they’ll witness me take everything but not notice what has gone missing, they’ll watch me burn but never feel my pain. It is the transition that must take place, and I’ll watch and experience as infinite hours pass by until I am ready to let go, until the fading as reached it’s end. The end like what I am witnessing now, as this Advent which I have clung to like my lost child now dies before my very eyes. My very tired eyes which now begin to close, as I drift off into yet another sleep, the last of which that these lords will watch – the last of which I will dream of  – as a solid figure. 

My eyes close, now displaying memories from throughout the ages and visions that drift and yearn to become true – to inherit some form of celestial body. This fire has begun to consume me, and with it I can hear it’s thoughts, and it can hear mine. This fire knows of every last ounce of fear that treads throughout my blood, it knows of every last bit of regret that I hold within my veins, it knows every single fate that will now be bestowed upon to me – fates that will be forever marked across my skin. Throughout these ages and eras alike I have seen the rise and fall of things, the death of things I once held to close, as well as the devouring of them, by echoes alike. Echoes that I am bound to, echoes that haunt me in my sleep, echoes that in this process I am becoming one with. I know all to well that this may have been avoidable, that maybe this path could have been shaped into something different than what I know well – but shaping was never my true intent, for instead I kept on moving, kept on walking, towards fates I could never dream of knowing.

There is no light left in this place but the light that illuminates from the flames that blaze and destroy everything in their path. This light, and these fires are one in the same. There are ever-devouring, seeking to convert everything as part of them, seeking to bring about the end to everything that stands in it’s way. I know that these landscapes as I know them now are surely to die at the end of this all, I know that they will never be the same, that they will never exist the same way as they once did. But that is not nearly my concern now, for as these flames begin to make their way up onto my being, I am filled with a knowing of death, and a fearlessness alike that I have never felt before, an acceptance of sorts of the life that has been left to me, a life that has been bestowed by fires and fates alike, a life that was never meant to be permanent.

These darkest nights have in a way restored what I had always felt was missing from me, like a piece that has been hidden, stowed away far into the corners of the shadows – awaiting for the dark to return. And though the more restored I may feel, the more so I realize that with these fires, I am now fading fast, still holding tight to my own regret. My soul seeps further out of this reality, but still bound, as it is stuck to a life that it has yet to learn to break free of it’s chains, with part of it – trapped in a vessel deep within waters much darker than anything I had ever seen. To the side of me that must now meet these fates, bound to a vessel of an anchor, still seeking deeper – I am sorry, for I knew where we would be lead. It’s harder than anything I’ve ever faced to come to terms with all of this now, like a tidal wave sweeping me to the bottom of some dark and violent seas. I had spent this much of this line dreaming of some glimmering and brighter life; but in that process I had never realized that this darkness that I have now taken up, once stowed away in some past before changing course, was always meant to be a part of me. Now these lords and fates alike speak of a fading, a fleeting existence that I must endure, and a death I must undergo. For now all of these curses and jinxes are lifted, but in return this ever-knowing feeling of phantom-like fate, and my inevitable end seems to be all this dying Advent has left me in it’s wake.

There is nothing left I can do to shake this feeling, this feeling that speaks deep into my core, echoing the Lords that reside within this vast and infinite scape that there is nothing left to lose, and nothing left to love. They have watched and beckoned from afar throughout the ages and era’s alike that I have wandered on this path, they have foreseen my every action, my every fall and turn, my every decision that has since lead me to where I am now – this moment in time where all is quickly fleeting, where the time that remains is ever-so fragile it is ready to shatter and break at any moment, much like the shambles this line is in now. This feeling that circulates within my head and bones alike, speaks the truth that I am lost and not as strong as I once was; that my life is gradually spilling into the next but despite this I keep living – all for some sense quickly fleeting passion and hope that is even more-so fragile that the time that remains.

The feeling goes far within my all, for it knows it will always remain, it knows that it is inevitable, and it knows that my very soul will hear it’s cries. It cannot be avoided, nor can it be ignored. It is in a sense, a fate in it’s own right – one that I have been seemingly met with ever since birth, one that will linger by my side until the very hour in which I fade away. An hour that I feel growing closer and closer with each passing moment in time. This feeling knows that I know wield the control, that I now wield death, but in return, I sacrifice my resistance, and surrender all the same. For I am fading in regret, much like this darkened skies that seek to spill out light, but are instead met with the resistant rule of the darkness. This feeling knows that I will soon meet these final fates, and than before doing so – I must go under. I am going under much more quickly than I have ever gone before, for beneath is where I will meet these fires at the cores and become one with them, it is where I will learn to step into a new state that is much further from what I am now. For as a warrior of darkness, I knew it would always come to this. For while these nights may be the darkest that I will ever see them as, I know they aspire to come closer and closer to true darkness, a type of darkness hidden from my fragile eye’s, a type of darkness that can only be obtained by those who are only left to fade. 

Dreams and thoughts of escape help me relinquish the rage, it is rage that burns deep like bruises and cuts, infiltrating my thoughts, flooding my heart into a state like non other.  I know hold a catalyst that offers a bending to this reality like I’ve never held before – a window of escape in a sense, wand which wields the crystal of death and darkness alike; for now in a sense, I can clearly see the future. Final fates that cannot break still await in only hours which remain within this shattered and broken reality, and this line which is now quickly being erased, and overtaken by something that I was never meant to see. My darkness has grown into amounts unfathomable from where I once stood. For not long ago, I once served what I once thought to be light for the greater good, a light that would lead me to where I always yearned to be; however in this trance I have been kept bound by chains, much stronger than that of the encapsulating vessel from Valhalla which consumes now – but more trapping in it’s own right.

I am now speeding violently to a state of mind that cannot shake, a shattered heart which can no longer break, and an existence that has begun to fade. I can feel it in my bones, for with this darkness, I am quickly learning to become in a sense, a master of control, though enveloped in shadows, these blackened wings I can grow will be free the ridiculous laws and morals which have for so long kept me bound to earth – for now as I speed towards a nightfall that is likely to be the darkest that I will ever live to see, I know I must spend these fleeting and fragile moments powered by passion and retrospective action. No longer am I ashamed of this path that I have taken, for I now feel their will be purity within these coming fates.

With the universe seemingly supporting every darkened decision I make, I can only yearn that these flames and fires will consume me quickly when the time comes for me to fade. For the yearning of my celestial being has long since desired to reach it’s true home, to finally rest from this weary fated reality, to watch these final fates and cataclysms take place, and to understand darkness and death as a necessity. For duality exist within the core of it all, and perhaps when this is all said and done, when I fade away – I can become one with everything.

The flames that I once held dear and close to me have now evolved into something greater, something much more great in it’s entirety, but also something so much more violent and devouring in nature – fires that pave a way to erase and consume every last bit of this seemingly infinite scape and all that lies in it’s path, for a dying Advent has long since been at hand and shall soon meet it’s end. The nights grow ever-so cold during these fleeting and fragile hours, for it is during these darkest nights that my walking is much different than it has ever been, much different than it ever will be. For when I walk during these fragile moments, I know that I am out of time in this line – and the shimmering lights that passes through the holes of my shadows help me remember just how far gone I truly am.

I know now much more clearly of what I am becoming during these final fleeting moments within this line, for despite the circumstances and my fleeting time that remains as of now, I know that there is yet another evolution to take place. The chaos that I once striven so hard to fight against has long since found a place where in this shattered reality, my hands, now bending it’s very disorder to my will – for it is all I have ever known. In a sense I’ve come to peace with these things, for this reality and universe alike have long since proven to set a course, which is now the only road I know – to breach me as far away from the light as possible. I do not know if I was always meant to endure the worst of things, for if that was the case – I sense I have escaped that fate for ages, but perhaps now is the time where it all catches up. For this line has now proven to support solely my most darkest doubts and destructive thoughts, almost as if I have finally found my place – my place within them. 

With these fires now blazing there way across these landscapes, and with me, in and out of this 9th sleep – where despite I find devour these dreams for the smallest ounces of energy for this weakening vessel, I still catch glimpses of you, glimpses of when you still knew of my name. Within these fragile moments, my breath begins to shorten and cease, and I signal to these violent fires to bring me to my feet, awakening me once more, for this road is not yet complete. I know that these treacherous flames from this fire have begun to make their home in me, ultimately weighing me down in hopes of consuming me at the very bitter end – I have long since accepted this, but still know the my final fate has yet to be sealed. For during these final day’s of this dying Advent, tracing the remaining of this fading line grows harder and harder with each passing hour, with each breath I take being more and more difficult to take in, for it’s becoming so difficult to exist.

I can hear the choral voices singing and shouting, both in angst as well as in rejoice for what has now begun – the end of an Advent. Time is moving fast yet in a fragile fashion during these remaining fleeting moments, I can feel the static within this cold night air as the hours march closer and closer to the end of this line – as the last of the hourglasses tips further and further towards spilling out final fates – fates that I will inevitably have to accept as my own once the time comes. I can see the look in their eyes when their glance catches mine, I can see their face begin to shift when I speak words from my mouth, for they know all to well that it’s almost over – they can see that I am spiraling down below, changing eternally from under.

I can sense the houses, charging their warmth in their bay’s. For during those final hours that they sleep within their houses, fates and shadows alike will tug and pull, yearning for a moment of release, yearning to guide me to my grave. We are within the moments of an Advents end, a time where like all things are held still – yet every sound, very thought, every birth and every death can be sensed from the core. I can see the fires begin to blaze for even they are aware of the essence of time that remains to us know. And I can see the watching of the lords above, for their are both full of sorrow and grace alike that such things must be set into motion – that such things must come to an end in this way.

 Solace and peace are forgotten concepts during these darkest of nights, for while I may know that there is no war here left to fight, and while I know that all that was once held dear has been lost, as well as all what had once been loved – my mind still rapidly searches, endlessly, throughout the deepest crevices of the night, for a life or a line that could be always what I had dreamed. To tread onward’s into a line never meant for me would be to forever bare the weight of these tragedies for an eternity, to in a sense, marry to the grave and the darkness alike – a stagnant fate that I am not sure I wish to bare. My heart grows painfully silent during these remaining hours of this dying line, and my mind – much louder than it has ever been before. For thoughts of remorse, regret, hope, and darkness alike will be the death of me.